We human beings grow like lobsters that grow by developing and shedding a series of hard, protective shells. Each time a lobster expands within, it sheds its shell, leaving its body exposed and vulnerable until, in time, a new shell grows to replace the old.
我们人类的成长过程与龙虾格外相似:先长出一层坚硬的保护甲,继而将其蜕去,周而复始。 每次,龙虾的肉身在保护甲中得以发育,之后甲壳蜕去,其间肉身毫无遮拦,不堪一击,直到最终长出新的盔甲,取代旧壳。
Likewise, each time we grow to a new stage of our life, we cast away our old protective structures, becoming exposed and vulnerable, but we also build new ones to meet the new needs of our social life. This may take several years or more. Coming out of each passage, though, we enter a longer and more stable period in which we can expect relative peace of mind, and a sense of balance regained. We leave our parental home, thinking that we have grown up, separating from the caregivers of our childhood. But we soon find that we cannot achieve autonomy once and for all by turning our dreams into concrete goals. We have to construct new relations and adjust ourselves to the new environment. The process is meaningful, if not painful. When the new life structure has been established, we are ready to move on to the next period. So we continue with this sequence of growth.
同样,每当我们人类步入人生的新阶段,都要甩掉旧的护甲,变得毫无遮拦,十分脆弱---但还要长出新的甲衣来适应社会生活的新要求。 这个过程耗时数年甚至更久。 可是,在告别这个过程之后,我们步入一个较之先前更长久、更稳定的时期,在此时期,我们可以企盼得到相对平和的心态,也会重新恢复平衡的感觉。 我们飞出父母的温暖爱巢,坚信自己已经长大成人,再也不需要童年时期的呵护。 但是很快我们就意识到,把梦想变为具体的目标并不能让我们一劳永逸地获得自立。 我们必须建立新的人际关系,适应新环境。 这个过程就算没有痛苦,也够意味深长的。 当新的人生阶段构建起来时,我们又要准备走入下一个时期。 成长之路如此这般,周而复始。
Let's look at the two important stages in that sequence. They mark the crucial moment of our passage from a dreaming adolescence to a more mature adulthood.
现在我们就来关注一下成长过程中的两个重要阶段。 它们标志着从充满梦幻的青春期到进一步成熟的成人期必然要经历的关键时刻。
The first is said to be a stage of pulling up roots. We grow hastily into the stage where we seek for independence and recognition.
第一个阶段被称为“连根拔起”时期, 是我们成长过程中急于独立与让自我得到他人认可的阶段。
Before 18, our motto is loud and clear:"I have to get away from my parents." But the words are seldom connected to action. We are generally still a safe part of our families, the center of our parental care, even if away at school, or at an army camp for military instructions.
18岁之前,我们的口号响亮而清晰:“我要离开父母。” 但是说归说,做归做,口号几乎无法付诸行动。 总体上我们还是家庭中牢固的一分子,是父母的掌上明珠。就算是在住校时,或到军营参加军训时,也是如此。
After 18, we begin pulling up roots in earnest. College, military service, and short-term travels are all usual social vehicles for the first round trips between family and a base of one's own. Despite strong protestations, we really attempt to separate our world view from that of our families. "I know exactly what I want!" We cast about for any beliefs we can call our own and test them. In the process, we are often drawn to fads, superstars and rock'n'roll, which are mostly mysterious and inaccessible to our parents.
可18岁过后,我们就开始迫不及待地要把自己的根拔离家庭的土壤。 通常,上大学、服兵役以及短期出游都像是社会为我们提供的交通工具,载着我们踏上第一轮往返于家庭与自己大本营之间的路途。 尽管会遭到家人强烈的反对,我们还是试图将自己的世界观和家人的世界观划清界限, “我非常清楚自己想要什么!”我们追寻着任何所谓属于自己的信仰,并检验着它们。 在这个过程中,我们迷恋上了时尚、超级明星和摇滚乐,而这一切对于我们的父母来说简直如天方夜谭,神秘而难以接受。
No matter how confidently we try to be real members of the world, the fear haunts us that we are really kids who cannot take care of ourselves. We cover that fear by shrugging it off as if it were nothing. For allies to replace our parents, we turn to our peers. They become conspirators, view sharers, substitute for our families. But that doesn't last very long. The instant they stay away from our vague ideals of "our group," they are seen as traitors. It is common that we go back to our family between the ages of 18 and 22.
无论我们何等信心十足地努力成为真正的世界成员,可心中到底放不下那份担忧,生怕自己其实还是孩子,无法自立。 掩饰这份忧虑的做法便是一笑置之,当它是垃圾。 为了找到能够取代父母的同盟者,我们把目光转向了同龄人。 他们成了我们志同道合的伙伴,完全替代了家人。 但这种关系却不能长久维持, 一旦背弃了“咱们圈内”那些十分模糊的理想,他们就会被当成叛徒排挤出去。 因此,18岁到22岁之间的青年重新回归家庭怀抱是很常见的。
This passage is to locate us in a peer group role, a sex role, an anticipated occupation, an ideology or world view. As a result, we are ready to leave home physically, relocating our identity to begin leaving home emotionally.
上述人生阶段将我们定位成一个同龄人群体角色,一个性成熟角色,并且有着一份期望中的职业,一种意识形态和一套世界观。 因而,我们准备采取行动,离家闯荡,从而重新确立自己的角色,并在情感上开始脱离家庭。
This stormy passage through the rapid growing years of our youth will probably facilitate the normal progression of the adult life cycle. If one doesn't have an identity crisis at this point, it will erupt during a later transition, when the penalties may be harder to bear.
这段飞快成长并充满疾风暴雨的青春旅途,会促使我们正常步入成年期。 如果在这个阶段没有经历过身份危机,那么该危机一定会在今后的过渡时期爆发,到那时我们遭受的痛苦会更彻骨,更加难以忍受。
The next stage of our growth can be called "the trying twenties."
第二个成长阶段我们称之为“跃跃欲试的二十多岁”。
Our main task in this period is the question of how to take hold in the adult world. Our focus shifts from the inner restlessness of late adolescence - "Who am I?" "What is truth?" - and we become preoccupied with materializing our career goals. "How do I put my aspirations into effect?" "What is the best way to start?" "Where do I go?" "Who can help me?" "How did you do it?"
在这一时期,青年人的主要问题便是何以立足于成人世界。 我们关注的焦点不再是青春期后期内心的不安---比如“我是谁?”“真理是什么?”---现在我们全身心地为实现事业的目标而奋斗。 “我该怎样实现满腔抱负?” “怎样着手才最有效?” “我该朝着哪个方向发展?” “谁能助我一臂之力?” “别人是怎么成功的?”
In this period, which is longer and more stable than the last, the tasks are as enormous as they are exciting: To shape a dream, a dream that will generate energy, aliveness, and hope. To prepare for our career. To find a mentor if possible. And to form the capacity for friendship, without losing in the process our self so far constructed.
在这个较之先前为时更久也相对更稳定的时期,人生的任务既巨大又激动人心:塑造一个梦想,一个激发精力、活力和希望的梦想; 为宏图伟业做好准备; 如果有可能还要寻觅一位良师益友; 培养交友能力,同时还不能失落已经树立起来的自我。
Doing what we "should" is the common theme of the twenties. What "should" be done is largely defined by family models, the social convention or the examples of our peers. If the popular cultural instructions are that one should get married and set up one's own family, a nuclear family is born. If instead the peers insist that one should do one's own thing, a 25-year-old is likely to apply for a position in Microsoft, hoping that, without family commitment, he could work his way up to a real CEO there.
二十多岁的时候,担负起责任是我们共同的主题。 我们“应该”负起什么样的责任主要是由家庭示范、社会习俗或同龄人中的榜样来确定的。 如果社会上流行文化认为人们应该结婚、建立家庭,那么一个核心家庭就会应运而生。 相反,如果同龄人都坚持认为走自己的路,那么一个25岁的青年便会到微软求职,希望在没有家庭义务的羁绊下,自己能步步高升,荣任微软的首席执行官。
People in their twenties tend to believe that the choices they make cannot be changed. This is largely a false fear. Change is quite possible, and some alteration of our original choices is probably unavoidable.
二十多岁的人往往觉得自己做出的诸多选择是不可更改的。 其实这种担心是没有根据的。 改变选择也不是不可以,而且对有些先前选择的变更也是无法避免的。
Two impulses, as always, are at work. One is to build a firm, safe structure for the future by making strong commitments, to "be set." Yet people who willingly slip into a ready-made form of life are likely to find themselves locked in.
这一时期总是有两种动力在发挥作用。 动力之一是通过按部就班、安安稳稳地承担各种义务而为将来打造一个牢靠的基础。 然而一旦甘愿滑入这种现成的生活方式,就有可能永远把自己约束起来,锁定在一个狭窄的圈子里。
The other urge is to explore and experiment, keeping their way of life tentative and therefore easily reversible. Taken to the extreme, these are people who skip from one trial job and personal relationship to another, spending their twenties in high mobility.
动力之二是不断地探索、尝试新事物,将生活中的每一段道路都变成尝试之路,使之可以随时逆转、变更。 如果做得极端一点儿,这样的青年人就会不断地变换尝试性的工作和尝试性的人际关系,将20岁之后的整个十年都投入到这种高度动荡之中。
Although the choices of our twenties can be changed, they do set in motion a life pattern. Some of us follow the lock-in pattern, others the mobile pattern, the caregiver pattern, and others. Such patterns strongly influence the particular questions raised for each person during each passage.
虽然二十多岁时的诸多选择可以更改,但这些选择还是启动了一种生活模式。 有人走上了稳妥的既定之路,有人选择了闯荡,还有人担负起照料家庭的责任,如此这般,不一而足。 这些生活模式很大程度上决定了不同人生阶段不同的人所面临的特定问题。
Youths in their twenties hold powerful illusions and they are truly confident that they can materialize their dreams. They commonly insist in their twenties that what they have chosen to do is their true course in life. If they are told that they are not unlike their parents, that the two decades of parental training might be reflected in their current actions and attitudes, they would certainly say "no."
二十多岁的青年人都有挥之不去的梦想,并且深信这些梦想定能实现。 这个时期,大家通常坚信自己的选择就是人生正确的航线。 假如有人告诉这些青年,说他们并非不像自己的父母,说他们20年所受的家庭熏陶反映在了他们当前的行为态度上,那么他们就会斩钉截铁地回答:“不。”
"Not me," is their motto, "I'm different."
他们的口号是:“我绝不是那样的,我是家庭的异类。”
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